For the heterosexual, bisexual and lesbian women present
at this session, Kay Hagan's essays were the catalyst for a
deeply personal discussion on what it means to be female in a
patriarchal culture. Hagan asks, "Can a woman ever trust
a man?" We basically agreed with her response that a
"woman can trust a man to be a man," i.e.,
men are socialized to be male supremacists. Our conversation
did not particularly center on attitudes of overt sexist
behavior, nor were we preoccupied with physical sex.
Rather,
in exploring the extent to which women can trust men, we
examined sophisticated and subtle sexism. One woman gave the
example of men who struggle (rightfully) for self-change and
redefinitions of masculinity, but who remain disengaged from
feminist activism. Other woman resented men who talk a good
pro-feminist line, but haven't learned to shake the
"male gaze" (i.e., the scrutiny of women's bodies
as if it were a proprietary right, a habit many such men
subtly or unconsciously still pursue).
Mention of the male gaze pushed that old feminist button:
the struggle around our bodies and our looks. One woman
declared that cosmetics exist completely for men's benefit,
and that every part of a woman's bodyfrom our
fingernails to our earlobesis colonized for the male
gaze.
Another woman felt that it is too reductionist to imply
that all artifices of beauty are fashioned specifically for
male pleasure. She believed that the cosmeticized appearance
expected of women is a societal normcompulsory
cosmetics, if you willand that such an affectation is
independent of whether or not any man's attention is actually
targeted. The first woman countered that this unspoken
mandate for women to look a certain way ultimately does
benefit men because what is society anyway if not the culture
of patriarchy?
Even more than shunning make-up, women felt that (in the
U.S. at least) hair on our legs, under our arms, and on our
face indisputably affronts the narrow boundaries of
patriarchally-constructed muliebrity. Only one of us could
recall an instance in which the mainstream media has featured
a woman with body hair (Susan Sarandon in White Palace).
Not shaving can be a way of "outing" oneself
oppositionally to the patriarchy, an unambiguous act of
noncompliance with Barbie doll-ism. One woman said that
letting her body hair grow empowers her because it allows her
to set her own body parameters. She lamented, however, that
her body hair is always an issue, and so sometimes she
chooses to "veil" her legs. She also expressed
discomfort with those who pressure her not to shave.
Another woman, in solidarity with the risks taken by women
in other cultures (ex., refusing to veil their faces or
resisting a clitoridectomy), described her decision not to
shave as an explicit political act. She sensed that people
probably mistake her as a member of the Birkenstock set
(which is OK), but in fact, her other motive not to shave is
so that she can more fully experience herself as a female
human animal.
The dominant culture's artificial construction
of femaleness is a simulation, a contrived lie. By not
wearing makeup, and especially by growing out her natural
hair, this woman feels better equipped as an ecofeminist to
probe the deeper complexities of species Truth. She was
profoundly affected by the sight of a full growth of hair on
her body, grown for the first time in her adult life.
Hagan also asks: "Are men educable?" "Is
separatism the only solution?" Women seemed to feel that
yes, men can change, and part of that process is taking place
as men strive to redefine masculinity. Women added that men
belong in a post-patriarchal vision of society. For now,
however, some women felt that until changes in men's behavior
are forthcoming, the survival of women and women's culture
depends on creating varying degrees of separate safe space.
As Hagan writes:
"Relief from constant exposure to men and male
needs is necessary for a woman to perceive the depth of
her innate female power, which she is conditioned under
male supremacy to ignore, deny, destroy, or sacrifice.
Time spent alone and in consciously-constructed
woman-only space allows a woman to explore aspects of
herself that cannot surface in the company of men."
Prompted by Hagan, we asked ourselves how regularly are we
"logging time in women-only space." Most of us
confessed that EVE gatherings are our primaryif not
soleopportunities to spend quality time exclusively in
the company of women.
Back to Essay Topics